


Out for a Swim

by JustKindaHere



Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: A little depressed, Depression, Dinner, Gen, I need a hug, Just chillin’, Pool, Swimming, not dating, puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-26 23:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16691365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustKindaHere/pseuds/JustKindaHere
Summary: Arc is swimming in the pool when Robin seeks her out to chat.





	Out for a Swim

_Close you eyes and listen._ I thought  _you can hear the nothing if you listen hard enough._

I slowly closed my eyes and took a long breath of the water as I let myself slowly lift off of the floor and floated under the water. Using my aquakenesis I made the water breatheable and relaxed my whole body. 

 _Think about where you are._ The water slowly began to flow around me like a river with no bottom.  _You’re not here. You’re floating. In the ocean. In a void. Deep. Somewhere far from everything. You’re okay now. Keep your eyes closed._  I slowly turned my body using the water so no light reached my eyelids.  _You’re okay here. Stay relaxed. Don’t open your eyes._

 

After a long day of dealing with my own mind, I had wanted to put myself in a coma to make it stop and knew I needed to be under water. I kept drifting through the water until I felt okay enough to slowly start moving again and opened my eyes. 

A fox stared back at me. 

> I jolted back slightly and the fox laughed at me, lifting its head for air. I rolled my eyes and surfaced, “how long were you waiting for that?”

The fox yipped happily and slowly transformed into my roommate Robin, who then took a seat on the steps. 

“ _Water_ you talking about? I was totally just going for a swim and totally not waiting to scare you. Nah” said Robin. 

> I chuckled softly and floated with just my head above the water, “glad you  _cleared_ that up.” 
> 
> Robin snickered, “I’m glad this chat is going so  _swimmingly_.”
> 
> I snorted and slowly climbed out of the pool and dried myself off with the towel I brought, “Okay you win that one.”

I put my flip-flops on and we headed back to the apartment in companionable silence. 

> Once there, I changed quickly and stared making dinner, “whatcha hungry for?” 
> 
> “Mmmmmmm, pancakes?” Said Robin, climbing onto the counter. 
> 
> I chuckled softly, “we had pancakes yesterday luv. How about something with a vegetable in it?” 
> 
> “Pancakes have vegetables, chocolate pancakes do at least. Cuz chocolate comes from a plant so it’s practically salad. See the sacrifices I make? Putting salad in my pancakes in the name of my health?” Robin asked, her voice raising pitifully.
> 
> I chuckle softly, “salad it is then.” 

Robin sighed and shook her head sadly but climbed off the counter and retreated to her studio, leaving me to figure out dinner on my own. 

Opening the fridge door I shook my head sadly. There was at least a lot of Robin’s “salad” but not much else. I decided on pasta and started prepping it. 

 _Cut your hand open with the knife. The blood will mix with the tomato sauce nicely_ , my brain told me while I was chopping onions.  _Shut up nobody asked you_. I responded.  _No one ever asks us. Know why? Because they don’t care and we know it. You’re just too much of an idiot to come to terms with the fact that the only person who actually cares is secretly a fox that eats chocolate._

Sighing heavily I fished chopping the onions and kept making dinner. There was no point in talking back because at this point is was almost constant. I had not even gotten to the worst part yet. 

> “Dinner!” I called a few minutes later, setting everything on the table. 

A few moments later Robin came bolting out of her room looking almost exactly like the human version of a fox making me smile wearily. 

Robin sat down quickly and thanked me, promising to do the dishes. Alternating between eating as much pasta as she could fit in her mouth at a time and chattering excitedly, she told me about her day. How animating had gone and getting to work with some of the voice actors on parts she was most proud of. 

This was the favorite part of my day, getting to sit and listen to a close friend about what she loves. 

Quite a while later, the dishes were cleared and washed and Robin returned to her studio to work, leaving me alone in the small apartment. With myself. My greatest adversary. 

I spent a few hours mindelessly doing random activities and watching TV until I was stumbling and could barely hold my eyes open for more than a few moments in hopes of exhausting myself. It worked and I stumbled half-blind to my room and collapsed on the bed with an exaggeratedly long exhale. 

Slowly climbing into the bed, I tucked myself under the heavy blankets and settled down. 

_You’re alone. No one is here for you and no one ever will be. Don’t ever forget that we are always infinitely divided in our own skin and will never truly love a person. You learned that last time. Shut up. Why? Am I wrong. You’re completely alone here and it hurts. You’re in pain aren’t you? This counts as pain doesn’t it? I- I don’t know. Well how about we feel pain and find out? Burn yourself._

I frowned in the darkness and set my hand on my scar. I had already fought this fight and lost. I did not want to fight it again. I rolled over on my side.  _Shut up and let me sleep_.

My mind slowly drifted over topics, barely picking one thing to focus on except the ever present and achingly painful loneliness and desire to find out if it truly hurt by comparing it to physical pain until the exhaustion I forced on myself finally made me pass out. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in the X-men universe but won’t actually interact with the main plot except for brief mentions. All the characters are my OCs unless they are part of the canon X-men world.


End file.
